I remember pain, feeling ill.
And Parents who told me I couldn’t be in pain and I couldn’t be sick – because I was a child.
A doctor at school when I was seven who asked me, ‘has anyone told you that your little heart is sick?’
An old family doctor who told me, ‘I’m afraid that when you grow up you’ll be sick and suffer from R A
Angry school teachers, because I couldn’t stay awake in the classroom, after sleepless nights due to the pain.
Gym teachers and kids mocking me because there were so many things I just couldn’t do, and telling me I was so slow at everything
A dead grandmother who was so bent they had to break her spine so they could lay her in her coffin.
Another school doctor, when I was sixteen, who said that I wouldn’t have a long life because of my heart condition.
Parents who said there was nothing wrong with my heart and called the doctor stupid.
A military doctor when I lived in Germany, who came to my house twice a day to ensure I was using the eye drops, as my uveitis wasn’t healing properly.
Pelvic instability when I was pregnant
A husband who told me that he didn’t want a wife who was always sick and in pain.
Back pain that made me crawl on my hands and knees.
A morning when I couldn’t get out of bed because of my neck pain.
Years of unbearable pain in my legs and a doctor who just prescribed magnesium for it.
A locked knee and surgery when I was forty three.
Epstein-Barr at forty four, along with the dizziness, fatigue and forgetfulness.
Almost unable to walk for three days after sex, and my boyfriend saying I didn’t seem interested anymore.
Forcing myself to stand straight, despite the fever, shaking and never ever ending fatigue.
Falling over and people assuming I was drunk.
The total exhaustion
Crying to a doctor while telling him that I couldn’t stand it anymore, and that there was something very wrong with me, and his reply: would I like to see a psych
My boss saying I was lazy and I would be fired if I didn’t work harder
At 46 finally finding a rheumatologist who kind of believed me, but didn’t listen to the full story, as he didn’t have enough time.
After being diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, tell my boss who said, ’oh, that’s easy to cure, you’ll be back in no time.’
How others say that their back hurts too, I don’t explain anymore.
Disability, no more disability, unemployment, getting poor, unable to do anything about it.
I’m Lilith Eden, I’m a Face of Ankylosing Spondylitis, a disease that has taught me all about love…..and hate.