Dear Ankylosing Spondylitis,

Since I can even remember you have made my life a living Hell. You have taken over my body in an invisible attack that no one can see but only I can feel. You have made me feel worthless, crazy, stupid, paranoid, sad, afraid, angry, and most of all you have made me feel pain. Pain that no one can possibly imagine unless they experience it for themselves. You began your attack when I was 8. You were so invisible that no one could figure out why I was in the pain that I was in. You made me miss out on having a normal healthy childhood. Instead, I was one of those kids who was always sickly and would walk funny because I hurt so bad. You were so secretive with your attack on my body that by the time I was diagnosed it was too late. The damage was already done.
My joints were already calcified and turned into bone. My body has become a prison I can never escape from. Because of you, I have lost hope of being able to achieve my dreams. Because of you, I look healthy on the outside but on the inside, you are wreaking havoc in my body. People look at me like I’m a faker. I have a fake service dog, I have a fake disabled placard just because I can walk and look healthy, but little do they know that you AS are attacking the crap out of me. I may look normal on the outside but if they were to see my X Rays they would cringe and they would understand. But they can’t and they won’t and that’s ok. Because the only ones that matter is my family and friends. Ankylosing Spondylitis, you make me miserable and I hate you.
On the other hand, you have also made me realize how precious life is and to appreciate it more. You have helped bring me closer to God in order to get through the hard times and to comfort my soul. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Sometimes I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Mentally you have changed the way I think and feel about things. I don’t worry about the small things. I appreciate being able to do the simple things and enjoy life’s moments. Like the smell of fresh flowers blooming in the spring and smelling the aroma as I drive by while looking out at the beautiful water on a bright sunny day. I enjoy watching the butterflies landing on the freshly bloomed flowers that are full of vibrant colors. Each day I go out in pain and know that I am still alive and because of that I appreciate the pain. You have become a new normal in my life. You have interrupted my life in so many awful ways but you have also added value to it as well and for that I am grateful. Eventually, you will no longer be in my life as I will be free of you and when that time comes I will be rejoicing that I will no longer be your prisoner.


Florida, United States of America

One Response to “Cecelia”

  1. Dear Cecelia,
    Thank you so much for being a part of my vision.
    Sincerely Cookie

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