A.S. Face 1837: Annisa Swanson

Face 1837

I was diagnosed with AS, August 10, 2016. I’ll never forget the date, as it was my granddaughter’s birthday. I wrote this on my diagnosis day…

Today I know I have Ankylosing Spondylitis

Today I will grieve the life I had planned
I will be sad,
For me
I will cry
And cry out
Why me?
But just for today
Today,
My body is broken
And waging war upon itself
Today,
I will be miserable and shout obscenities
I will be angry at no one in particular
Just because, today

Today my precious granddaughter turns three
Today,
Her smile will warm me
For a moment
Today,
I will cry
For her
She won’t know the fun loving
Sit on the floor
Putting puzzles together, Grandma
For very long
But today,
She has me
The grandma no different
From yesterday

Tomorrow,
Is not promised
In life or
In death
In joy or
In pain
Tomorrow is,
Unseen and unpredictable
The plans we make,
Can change in a heartbeat
We cannot escape tomorrow,
Wishing for yesterday

Yesterday,
Is gone
It wasn’t
Bad or
Great.
But yesterday,
I didn’t have AS
Yes,
Logical brain,
I did.
But I didn’t know,
Yesterday

Yesterday,
Sometimes,
Looks better in the rear view mirror
“Objects may not be as
shitty as you remember”
Yes,
Yesterday might have
really sucked, too
Everyone has a yesterday,
Not everyone,
Has a tomorrow
So today…

Today,
I will grieve
If I feel like eating
It will be
Ridiculously unhealthy
I just might,
Wash it down
With some wine
Today,
I will roll around
In self pity
For me
For everyone around me
But just for
Today

Only today…

Annisa Swanson

www.annisaswanson.com

Illinois, United States of America

5 Responses to “A.S. Face 1837: Annisa Swanson”

Dear Annisa,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Sincerely Cookie

Cookie Has A.S. said this on December 27, 2017 at 10:18 am | Reply
- Cookie,
  Thank you for the opportunity to connect and lift up my fellow AS badasses!! ❤️❤️❤️
  
  annisaswanson said this on December 27, 2017 at 10:58 am | Reply
  - My pleasure thank you for helping me achieve my dream.
    
    Cookie Has A.S. said this on December 27, 2017 at 11:27 am
You are an awesome writer. Bittersweet words. You are actually awesome at everything. And strong. And beautiful. And beyond courageous. You give so much. You inspire. I love you and who you are my beautiful Phoenix. You will always find a reason and a way to fly.

Lizzy said this on December 27, 2017 at 11:12 am | Reply
I love you Friend!!! Thank you for your kindness and love, always, My LizzyLumpkins💋

annisaswanson said this on December 27, 2017 at 12:51 pm | Reply

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