A.S. Face 0398: Dave Lovelace

My name is David Lovelace and the summer of 1989 was when I realised I had a problem, the pain I had in my knees and back for a few weeks at a time suddenly didn’t go away. I then stupidly started telling lies about what was wrong with me, I told my friends and family that I had an accident and that’s why I was limping so badly. I was scared and this went on for years, I worked full time and this was destroying me, every day was a ridiculous struggle and eventually in September 2000 after not sleeping for 6 days because the pain had got too much 1 of my managers said what are you doing you’ve got to go to the doctors. I always knew there was something wrong with me but absolute terror stopped me from finding out I didn’t want to know I just kept going and more importantly I needed somebody to tell me to stop and notice how much of a state I was in. I had to face up to my fear and give it a name, diagnosis was quite quick as I was and am hunched over badly so visually my Doctors guess was promptly followed by many hospital visits and then diagnosed with A.S. After trying many drug combinations 1 leading to liver failure, I eventually was put on Enbrel 2 years ago which has helped. I am asked from time to time how painful is it? my reply is I have been in constant pain to varying degrees without a day off for 23 years, I think that makes it clear. I am positive though and since diagnosis have got back some mobility through a lot of stretching and exercise and although unable to work I still try to improve myself. I wrote this poem about 6 months after I was diagnosed and had to leave my job. To all A.S sufferers I feel your pain as we are the only ones who really understand how tough it is to keep going.

Many regards

Dave Lovelace

The Uninvited by ~davel1972

The blackening is here

Shrouding my mind

Pain pulses through me

Making me blind

Cannot shield its terror

No sanctuary for me

I hide with laughter

But you don’t see

The shame i feel

Screams from within

Should i try to explain

But where to begin

I cry out in anger

I cry out aloud

Leave me alone

Let me stand up proud

I hate who i am

Because of you

I fight everyday

What must i do

To stop these thoughts

Of being alone

Without invitation

My body your home

United Kingdom

7 Responses to “A.S. Face 0398: Dave Lovelace”

Great poem Dave! You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story.

Marti said this on May 4, 2012 at 12:12 am | Reply
awsome and so true of a poem,this is excactly how i feel.thank you!

Colleen Seaman said this on May 4, 2012 at 5:05 am | Reply
This says it all. Thank you.

Jacquie said this on May 4, 2012 at 2:16 pm | Reply
Thank you David Lovelace.

Kim Herrick said this on May 5, 2012 at 12:22 am | Reply
Thank you so much for sharing your poem which tells it all.

ניקי אהרוניאן said this on May 5, 2012 at 4:06 am | Reply
“The blackening is here…shrouding my mind.” WE’ve all seen that haven’t we? I hope you can sleep now Dave. Thanks for describing what we all have struggled to describe. That image wasn’t just one I had. We all had it.

Derek said this on May 5, 2012 at 6:11 am | Reply
Dear Dave,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Simply Amazing..
Sincerely Cookie

Cookie Has A.S. said this on May 6, 2012 at 1:33 am | Reply

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